The first

I think the first time you experience something changes the way you look at it forever. Remember the first time u burned yourself? yea you prolly hold the iron diff.. or dont play with matches... or dont get to close to the grease when cooking lol you dont want that feeling again..

well imagine being hurt... heartbroken real heartbreak for the first time then after you get over it you try again only to get stepped on by anyone else you thought worthy... there is always someone better than me... like me and one of my bestfriends said today why would he choose me when he could have her?
There is nothing special about me..and im not talking about appearence cuz i'[ve gotten over that i cant change how i look no matter how hard i try... but i can only be me i dont know how to be anyone else... or hide who i am... but it just feels like "me" is never enough.

Single.

yea cant say when i wrote this but i just found it in my old phone and i still feel the same ya know?

i guess the jokes on me
im the one hiding my soul
acting like its all good
that i have no one to hold
keeping my gaurd up
and my head down
holding on tight to the key to my heart
thats never been found
truth is being single i do hate
getting left out of group dates
and having no one to talk to cuz they cant relate
im smiling
even though its fake
and i try to stay positive
in my negative state
i try to believe all men are custom made
and try to push back the thought that they are all the same
but where is the one
who will bring truth to my statement
and kill this lonliness
i act like im okay with
untill then i'll kee up this facade
turn all those bridges into walls
and put all my faith in god

keep on forgetting to forget about you.

Today is one of my good friends bday! happy bday jacob only thing is he passed away two years ago :-/ so now his birthday is just a sad reminder of who he used to be and the role he played in my life. The big brother i never had and will never see again... killing part is when things like this happen u realize all the moments and time you wasted or put off thinking there will always be tomorrow... let me be the first to say there wont always be tomorrow because it is not promised to anyone.

sigh...

my life the past month projects and ehhhh projects :-) you know what i found funny u know how people say well if you hear something more than once maybe its not the people telling you its you... well what happens when u come across the same kind of dude does it mean they arent really lying, indecisive, selfish dudes... that its just me? ahahahaha hmmmm.... nah!!!!

anyway chillen listening to my sidekick (which i store music on) at tierrahs

xoxo charm.