realness

not understanding why im still up throwing all this around in my mind.. my feelings get hurt in the most obnoxious ways. the things that should hurt never do. the time i invested in some people/things was a lost cause. i sit here today with nothing but what i should have invested time into in the first place. MYSELF. I... am the only thing myself has. me has seen me through everything.. i need to take better care of me

got my guard up

i built up a wall

and i cant get over it

cant get around it

cant go under it

on the other side

is that perfect moment

but im stuck on my side

just wondering

dont wanna break my wall

only to build it over again

and if im forced to rebuild

it will be 3 times stronger

7 times higher

and 10 feet deeper

which will make it impossible

for anyone to break through

all this to say

is my wall worth breaking down for you?

i wanna believe that its not the same.

i wanna start over i'll tell you my name.. it feels like i've lost more than i've gained feels like i've moving and nothing has changed... these fears might break me as i try my best to hold on...

what went wrong somehow i got all turned around now im lost and praying for daylight

i need some room to breathe so wont you help me please i cant make it on my own dont wanna be out here alone.

i wanna let go and be free to love to put the past behind and move on i just cant be far from home.

overcast.

we all have to cry sometimes...
far too many times have i heard the lines im not ready for a relationship
for that very same person to be in a relationship a few days later
lol smh... and im supposed to continue this discomfort and awkward position till the right one comes along..
and we wonder why people fall into depression etc..
we live in a cold dishonest world.
how much better things would be if everyone learned to be honest and open with good intentions.

old poems

i dont want it to be so predictable

i want everything sparatically

i dont wanna make a educated guess

why is this so hard it isnt anatomy

i want out of the ordinary

not right on schedule

i wanna be pleasently surprised

not exactly what i expected

this gets old

i want something new

if i say give me purple

buy me something blue

i dont want it to be given to me

i dont want to choose

i dont want order i dont want rules

i'd rather be blindfolded

then to see the next step

i want the opposite of what i expect

your prolly reading this

like what the heck

why do you want kaos

why not something stable instead?

because everytime i try it that way

i get mislead

so i wanna be wrong

i dont wanna be right

i want my idea of guys

not to be made out of spite

let me be right about being wrong

or do i wanna be wrong about being right?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

lol at least he tried

ALIEM (10:25:41 PM): Well I aint trynna seem like im some expert
charmsmannequin (12:25:54 PM): lol i know
ALIEM (10:26:01 PM): I forgot what I was bout to say
ALIEM (10:26:06 PM): Lmfaaoooooo
charmsmannequin (10:26:14 PM): -_- ahahahahaahahahahahahahaha!
...ALIEM (10:26:17 PM): @ I know clearly im a wreck
Aliem Jiles ♥ he was gonna give me some advice.. should i take it after he remembers? ahahaha

:-)

Aijshia Moody first impression: dayum this girl tall a.f!
secret: no homo i think your super pretty
confession: i want a shirt from your clothing line
what is unique about you: your look is unique! you have odd facial features ( no offense) but they make you BEAUTIFUL!

Jordon Burnside Diamora Hunt
first impression: shes tall...
like:sleepin on the couch
dislike:fighting over who got to sleep on the couch
confession: that was one of the best nights of sleep i ever had!

right place wrong time

heard this song by algebra blessett today man i almost cried she said everything on my mind and in the simplest form so i posted the lyrics here... sigh

It's funny how some things stay on your mind
It's funny how some moments hang in time
I remember when we met
How we became good friends
But I don't remember when
When you started to go astray and for what reason
That you finally went away
Why did you leave me
If it were anyone else
If I could cut all my ties
But you're a part of my life
And it's starting to feel like

Everywhere I go
I hear your name
And I play it off like things are the same
Pretending to know the reason why
That it's not
What happened baby
What happened honey
To the way things used to be

Everyday I try to block it out my head
I haven't seen ya
I just don't know what I said
We used to spend time
We used to be fine
You had my heart
Now we don't even talk
Like we used to
Baby this is not what I'm used to
Tell me where did it go
I'd do anything to know
That it was not all in vain
And there is a reason
You went away
See I've tried
Over and over again
To get some understanding
So I can know where we're standing

wise words from a decent man

@imfugnjomo Someone from back home in #LA said...."You act so different now, you moved and I can't quite understand who you are anymore".......
@imfugnjomo I just responded......"I'm evolving, I'm adding a story to my life, I havnt changed, you just don't understand GROWTH"
@imfugnjomo Then, and there, that's when it hit me that some people aren't made for who U R, the life you live, and the progress you make..........

Ima say it though im sure you know..

tonight was a ryan leslie night!


sweetdreamz

long shot

My heartbeat beats me senselessly
Why's everything got to be so intense with me

be humble.

Greed redifined and corrupted what true power is. Domination is for the weak, Harmony is the true sign of strength. -lupe

dream.

thank God for the trials of life, without them we can't know purpose!

forget all hope for the present cuz it just slipped away

forget being real with you im just bein real with me... we could make a home love you just gotta build with me... i dont need the loudness you just gotta chill with me.. if life's a bumpy road then its alotta hills with me...

i could follow you to the beginning just to relive the start... maybe then we'd remember to slow down at all of our favorite parts...
all i wanted was you.

look i know its no excuse but im only human.

you cant have my heart the doctor told me i'd be dead without it.

hmmmm fact or fiction

ashley olsen.

Ugly girls like everyone..pretty girls like everyone they shouldn't ...that's why ugly girls are gettin married and pretty girls stay single


ahahahahaha i read this on twitter.

Bestfriends ♥

Tierrah Alexis " you got me so excited abt this mag. ^_^ resume gonna look more than right! haha , my mom was right abt that 5 friend thing, kuz I look at u , my bestfriend & see a star so I know I'm destined too be somebody as well, thank u for being the positivity in my life! I love u ♥"

is it me.

Is It Me? am I so complicated?
Is It Me? or is love over-rated?
Is It Me? cause I don't quite understand
Why it never turns out how I thought I planned it
Is It Me? am I too independent?
Is It Me? not ready for commitment?
Is It Me? cause it doesn't seem to last
And it's the only question that I never asked


Hands down
I'm to proud for
LOVE
but with eyes shut
its YOU
im thinking of...
but how we move from a to b it cant be up to me
cause you don't know who i was before you
basically to see a change in me I'd be losing
so i just
IGNORE YOU

Ponder.

i woke up holding my pillow didnt know it was a dream.

i got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match what a catch.

my cousin was diagnosed with schizophrenia. smh this bright talented beautiful person i once knew is just not the same. Just not the same.. when i was younger i admired her. she can sing rap write and MODEL.. sigh.. she doesnt want to take her medication. what do you say? your sick you need this for the rest of your life.. i know she feels like nothing is wrong.. i dunno im just typing cuz i dont know what to say.. im scared man... i love her so much i wouldnt wish this on no one. i know how ppl diagnosed act. they are paranoid.. they hear voices and see ppl we dont.. smh then on top of that she is creative and she has an imagination. man. its just something thats hard to handle and i know alot of my family isnt gonna be able to understand..

I can't lie and say I
Always understand why
The rain falls on me
And I have to admit, I feel my faith is gone
It's easy to believe when sorrow never comes your way
And when I try to pray, it seems the words they come out wrong
So everything that matters to me
I give it all to you
Cuz I'm tired of the way the crying feels
And just to let you know I have been hurt so many times
So I pray to God that this time loves for real
So even though I can't see what tomorrow may bring
I believe in you cuz you believe you believe in me
And even when the night makes the light hard to see
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
I can't lie and say I
Always smile but I try
The tears sometimes they come
And nothing people say can ease the pain
but when I close my eyes I see you reaching out for me
You tell me that this test I'm in, it won't last always .

Poems i never completed..

poems not completed..

Look where im at now in my life
but i dont do regrets or look twice
every decision i make is logical
every mistake i make is practical
and all the dudes i date are irrational
i got dreams but i never sleep
im daydreaming bout where i plan to be
but its not dreaming technically
cuz im awake during everything

NEXT


Do i ever come up in discussion
with the people who witnessed you let go of something perfect?
do they ever tell you you made a foolish mistake?
or do you never bring it up cuz its all criticism you cant take
i know you've thought twice about the choices you made
but if we had to do it all over i'd like to do it the same
so i could be available for the person who thinks im all worth it
love me for more than what im showing on the surface
thanks to you i got my guard up though
and you did teach me how to take control
hide my feelings that way im in full control of the situation
and i can monitor my emotions so my love isnt wasted

Part of the list.

mmm im not just unhappy single. but you want someone there you know every once in awhile. i have never hated on what anyone else had because everything aint always peachy cream. realistically i know that if i was too super yern for something someone else had i'd get what i was asking for without really having any idea of what im truly asking for.

most of the time i find myself falling for someone because of their intellect... then their smile and then their sense of style. but im searching for someone with depth i dont know i truly believe i havent found that person yet.. and i honestly dont mind waiting for that person.

anywho i was watching basketball wives and shaunie wanted to know if shaq had slept with glorias sister.. gloria wanted her too talk to her sister about it and not her. they were angry with her whole "blood is blood" demeanor but i mean its true.. they look at her like she should speak up on her sisters behalf but i think gloria was right her sister should speak up on her sisters behalf.

hmmm yesterday i made a small attempt to see someone i've been feeling for awhile.. only for him to make no attempt at all. it just made me realize that im over being confused.. im over wanting for something to happen and the other person to be up and down. im over talking to someone everyday! because they make the effort to hit me up everyday only for them to choose someone over me when i start to show interest. im ready to be the exception.. but all i see is me pushing away people who may come along.. realistically what else am i supposed to do go through this continuous draining... sad... repetition? NOPE!

sad thing is im not a lovesick stalker who hops on anyone who show's interest
i see things for what they are.. deal with it if it hurts and move on
most of the guys im interested in make the attempt it takes alot for me to get up and go along with it..
i live the life of a broken hearted girl lowkey.

love is not for me
could be just right now
but whatever the time frame
today tomorrow next month.. NEXT YEAR still not gonna be for me.

w.o.o.d

its safe to say
it never ment anything
will never mean anything
do you know what i really mean?
i understand when looking backwards
you miss whats in front of you
i dont understand why go back to the old
when you had something new
lead me on? nah i cant say that
but seeing you almost everyday
had me a little attached
detached cuz u decided to give her a second chance
what we could be? you never gave it a second glance
that i dont understand
you gave her the opportunity to hurt you twice
i didnt hurt you once
but im feeling the sting from her bite
this is life
and i swear it aint fair
and no matter how much i've been warned
i will never be prepared.
now a days though
i feel like were strangers
grown apart cuz friendship wasnt enough
no matter what i would always want us to be US
im so stuck
scared of the future
im feeling like a victim
and love is my abuser
afraid of going back
only to be hurt again
still got bruises and cuts
who knew love was violent
and he keeps saying
who know's what the future holds for us
like im supposed to hold on
while he's already given up
he swears we'll meet again then we can try again
but im just praying when that time comes i've found his replacement
who knew knocking on wood would be like throwing my heart against the pavement.
-diamora

haha the dude this poem was too last name was wood.. kinda that subliminal feel ya know :-)
lol anyway these are old feelings im just posting stuff i used to write... i gotta whole new outlook on life... guess you could say i got my mind right

intro...

this is for all the dudes that played me eat you heart out its chaaarrm.

I never thought to retaliate
but this constant repetition im starting to hate
guess kanye was right welcome to heart break
thats what i need a small break
a vacation from pain
and some time off heartache
i guess spending time with me
is the time of your life
till u realize maybe im not your type
leave me feeling like im only good enough to be the chick on the side
ima keep my head up
i refuse to cry
i just think sometimes i feel a little empty
could use some cuddle time and kiss on the forehead
i just wish some of yall would tell me it would lead to nothing before hand
and im hard headed
i refuse to believe
every dude i meet got tricks up his sleeve
i been single three years seen em come and go
and everytime one walks away i lose a little hope.
-diamora

FIREWORKS jan feb.. 2010

i could tell it wasnt love i just thought you'd mess wit me, i kept my wits about me luckily, what happened between us that night it always seems to trouble me, And you making it seem like it happened that way because of me, But I was curious and Ill never forget it, what an experience, You coulda been the one but it wasnt that serious, There was smoke in the air before, that was me clearing it, That felt good, all and all I learned a lesson from it though,You never see it coming you just get to see it go...

i think the person who reads this would know automatically im talking about them crazy.

Worst case scenario

this is a qoute from keke wyatt this song is amazing lol sad she only has ONE good song on the album smh its great actually but one out of what twelve? this is not gonna do.

"i know it aint right for me to be thinking about loving you i cant tell my heart how to be im daydreaming i cant stop thinking about you i close my eyes to be around you."
- keke wyatt

love.

cute love songs. well written also of course im all about lyrics.

never met guy so sweet
someone who knocks me off of my feet
i never thought that it could be until i met you baby
you never met a girl like me i only wanna make u happy
u never knew that you could be free until u met a girl like me
- Brandy Say you will

we were two lil people wrapped up in this big ol world
drifting round in space out of place just a boy n girl
then you took my hand and made me apart of you
and i looked in your heart and saw all my dreams come true
u did the impossible... u rescued my love
i had almost given up...
- mariah carey The impossible.

i think my heart my explode
cuz now i feel the weight of your love on me now
from my head down to my toes
and i cant handle nothing else
staring in the mirror at these clothes
and its funny they mean about as much as yesterday
something is calling me home
i can hear your voice and im not afraid
now im know im just a girl
tryna make my way through this life
now i feel bigger than the world
with your hand in mine.
- esmee denters bigger than the world

matt...

Sometimes i feel as if im kinda heartless or not sensitive enough
i see all these girls posts on my ex boyfriends wall about how much they miss him since he's passed things havent been the same. I JUST SMH.. like u writing on his facebook is not you missing him its for publicity why do people claim people after they have passed? that has always made me mad. yes some people have a reason to miss him some people were really close to him... maybe prolly only 2% i wouldnt dare keep writing about how much i miss him because when he was in the hospital i visted ONCE talked on the phone and kept in touch that was it.. but in all honesty i wasnt there like i could have been and im not gonna sit and act like i was... and im not gonna sit back and act like he was the love of my life.. he was my first sexual experience and to be honest that wasnt great.. he did make me see that men are selfish they only want one thing and no matter what they will leave you feeling like your not good enough. i havent been a relationship since him. and thats if you wanna count what we had has a relationship. he taught me that u cant trust ppl saying trust me. on another note he was a good friend when he wanted to be. and when we were together we shared things together that i prolly dont see myself sharing with someone else for a long time. do i still have a grudge... nah everyone is a learning experience. i do feel sad that he 's gone though he was young.. but in reality we all have to go one day.. he was a reminder that life can be taken away in the blink of an eye. thats that though ya know...

xoxo charm.

hmmm.. TELL em!

toni braxton killed this song for real!
Hands tied.

You're asking me if I
Know what real love feels like
If I ever loved anyone inside
You cant be serious
Cause I was the one giving all I had
I kept my promises all intact
For better or worse I honored that
I could show you all about love

Baby I can love you with my hands tied
I can please you with my hands tied
Everything you need is right here
It's just staring you in your face
Stop asking me if I'm ready
Cause this is just what I'll say
Cause I could love you
With my hands tied...

Don't ever question my love
I love hard despite the
Heartbreaks I made light of
You see I been around
I was the one tryna to patch it up
and I watch them say I've had enough
All I just keep thinking of
I could show you all about love

Baby I can love you with my hands tied
I can please you with my hands tied
Everything you need is right here
It's just staring you in your face
Stop asking me if I'm ready
Cause this is just what I'll say
Cause I could love you with my hands tied.

- toni braxton
GENIUS!

illustrating my feelings

i cant pretend that everythings all good
nope i cant say that everythings all bad





hmmm so one of my bestfriends broke up with her boyfriend.
do i think they will be back together?
yes
when? i dont know...
just i never figured they were perfect just didnt see them breaking up
makes me look at alot of other things differently
a reminder that no one is perfect.
or no couple.. i feel like every couple goes through something how would you know it was ment to be if you cant survive one storm?





on my end though.. i have alot of plans
i need order
i need a team
i need more yearly goals
and another source of income you know.
i think vanitydollhouse has potential to become something great





anywho i think too much
and deep down inside im missing someone
but at the same time i kno he isnt missing me.
and deep down i've accepted that and honestly dont care anymore
feeling like i'll find someone else
even if its another three years im sure it will be well worth the wait.

You hear but you dont listen.

I'm more than just an option
refuse to be forgotten
I took a chance with my heart
And I feel it taking over
I'm more than just a number
I doubt you'll find another
so every single summer
I'll be the one that you remember
its more than just a mission
you hear but you don't listen
You better pay attention
and get what you been missing

too many times Ive been wrong
I guess being right takes too long
I'm done waiting, there's nothing left to do
but give all I have to you and
I better find your loving
I better find your heart

this what ima do till its over

you ever notice if you listen to so far gone then play trey songz anticipation right after the mood is still the same?

The production is similar its calming.. trey songz and drake are doing more than making music... they take you to another place u aint even gotta be able to relate they make you feel them no matter the situation. i feel drake though and i love how he was able to make it by just being him self.

YOUR RIGHT THERE

Im so in love with this song.. it just makes me smile on the inside.. like i know the feeling he is talking about.. and its just a reminder of that.. havent felt like what he's saying in this song in a long time.. but i just love that this song brings me to a happy place. whom ever i dedicate this song too in the future is gonna be someone mighty mighty special :-)

Happy.

Sometimes people dont understand that you are NOT bitter, jealous, or envious when u can speak about ur hurt....u are Brave & Wise. - Julian Banks

Im just tryna be happy.

so this happened to me a couple of weeks ago semi sorta i can just relate to this video.. and on top of that i acted the same way she did... no point in holding a grudge my time will come. i just love everything this song means and stands for :-)

Best you never had.

i was so in love with you
there was nothing i could do
wouldn't give me the time of day

because i told you you'd live to regret it
and no i dont wanna make you feel bad
but when it comes to me you just wont get it
i'll be the best you never had
you put me through so many emotions
baby its your time for that.

you saw me as a friend
baby i dont want revenge
but if you must know the truth
what you didnt see in me
is what you will never be.

just making a prediction.

She looks so good in that white dress
at the far end of the aisle
standing where i should be standing
some other man on his face theirs a smile
i just walked in sat down silent
i stood outside for awhile
wondering why did i come here
face it you messed up and now she's with somebody else
and now all i can do is smile and fade into the background
such a lovely reception
i sit here sipping rose
then we catch eyes for a second
both of us smile then quickly look away
its funny you dont know what you got
till u dont got it no more
put down my glass grabbed the bottle
i throw it back and i shout she's with somebody else

sure hate to fade into the background.
- ne-yo

players only love you when their playing games

I've never had trust issues
if i don't trust you then i wont be with you.
I've never been an idiot.
but if we aren't in a committed relationship why would i question what you do when your not with me?
eeeeeh it might cross my mind. but i usually already know so asking really isnt neccassary.
Guys give it away though lol so i dont understand why women try and act blind to it.
If i make the decision to talk to you..hang with you.. kiss you.. do whatever with you WHEN ITS YOU AND ME.. and i know that with me you arent tryna take it to the next level. Then thats on me.. cant be mad when you find that one and cut me off..

BUT. when i decide to do those things and accept that we arent committed but am truly unaware that you are talking to someone else. smh thats something else. so be honest and let me know like "diamora you know im young im single there are other girls that i do the same things im doin with you.. but i do it with them when im not with you" will i accept this? No lol but keepin it real gets you brownie points.. and though im not alotta other females are..stop bein chickens and keep it 100

on a side note these past few weeks have had me thinking like.. its not worth it RIGHT NOW.
its not worth investing my feelings to be disappointed anymore. I been single and dating for THREE years.. there have been a few i thought he could be it.. there have been some NO!'s lol and there is always that one you cant shake.. but he shook you so you deal with it. Im so tired of being homegirl material to people i see as more than that. Like what in the world am i missing? then people say diamora dont go loooking! lol man on my mama i aint found no one i ended up being into. they FOUND me and im not even exadggerating.. one text me two weeks later and put in the time to come see me from victorville .. the other got my aim and decided to become close and hang wit me everyday.. and last but not least the one from my past found me on facebook "oh i still ball by the rec by your moms come through sometimes" random match but coulda been perfect.. yea i hate goin to sleep alone but i aint never settled for less than i want. and to top it off I DONT GO LOOKING..

freaking confusing.. so i kinda deleted every guy out my phone n just stopped talking to any new interests..unless it was business of course.. i feel like one of those "eff love" ppl but its more like im just protecting me.. it could just happen lol but judging by the past it could and it couldnt. ima be blind to any feelings that go beyond business or friendship.. some times it will be denial and hard but it will be worth it in the long run i feel it.


Lauryn hill till i passsss out.

Overcast

i guess that you will always be
the part of me that i look back upon
with saddened eyes and wonder why it ever had to be
i guess that you have always known
the love i had for you was strong
but like a potted plant
im just a woman who needed room to grow

now i find myself alone again
guess i'll be alright i just don't know when
i spend all my days in the back of my mind
someone tell me why my sun wont shine

you say goodbye and then proceed to give me all the reasons why
you couldn't realize the dreams i had for you and me
its been awhile since you've been gone
i guess apart of me still holding on
to yesterdays
and crazy things
like the way we used to be...

cuz i've picked up all the pieces
you left behind
and i understood the reasons
i still wonder why
and this overcast is crazy
i cant see the light
i've been longing for the warm rays of the sunshine
cuz see i used to want you
and i used to hold you
and i used to want to be everything that you were..
TO ME.


this is a song by levi stephens called overcast.. sometimes tears really come to my eyes after hearing this.. cuz one person comes to mind.. a good friend of mines.. if it were up to me we'd be more than that..we were more than that for a lil while.. you know how that goes.. i stopped talking to him. i couldnt stand just being friends.. i know that if i were to find out he was with someone else i wouldnt even be angry.. I'd feel much better knowing he's happy even if its not with me.

I keep hearing how my time will come. but im over all that.. i get made a fool out of when i stop to believe HE COULD CHANGE ME. yea the last person i thought that about.. placed me in that friends with benefits mode. which i didnt mind cuz i knew in the back of my mind who i REALLY wanted... he found someone who he figured matched better with though.. which i aint mind just wish i coulda got the heads up on the change.. Truth is im happy for him too. Everything happens for a reason i've learned to take that statement and not stress myself trying to find out what those reasons are.

My clothing line is coming together so nicely
i have to sit back and give myself a pat on the back
im so excited that i found something that i can incorporate all my talents into.

Im so thankful for my friends i've had them all forever and one of them is moving on to do bigger and greater things in his life.. i hope one day he will return but im so proud he's taking a big leap forward to better himself. Sydney you will be missed and you know this. cant wait to come visit :-)

only place i can say how i truly feel...

you found me here
here in this place
and with everything that's happened
I've lost my way
and though i tried to change
it is what it is
i'm so afraid of starting over
i dont know where im to begin
see we all fall and every so often
we find ourselves caught in a moment
but were not lost
were just where we belong.

the days go by
and turn into weeks
but with every one that passes
i find no peace
so i let go
and try to put my fears to rest
see the initial hurt is over
now the healing must begin...

and god only know's where we go from here
im afraid still i know this... is where i belong


i found myself inside these tears
now i know my strength
inspite of the fear
and the doubt
its like im lost and im found
its beyond my control and i know
this is where i belong.


even though i have such positive things goin on in my life. There is always the negative. alot of things i cant FIX. i just decided instead of focusing on my feelings.. and fears.. and what i dont have.. i need to realize im right where im supposed to be. There is a lesson to be taught here even if i dont see the results until later. But im where i belong happy.. sad..angry.. heartbroken. This is where im supposed to be. IM RIGHT WHERE I BELONG.

no title

see personally im not searching for perfection
when you expect to much
nothing is what your left with
and im not the perfect person
so how can i expect you to be
but i want you to be able to look in the mirror
and see what i see
like wise i want to be able to do the same
but i know if i were too look at me through your eyes
i'd be in pain
cuz what you see is friendship
a good friend and nothing more
got me wishing i could buy love
but then it would still probably be something i cant afford

i trust my heart on so many levels
but i feel like it always leads me astray
i always find myself trying to keep
someone who doesnt want to stay
or i express my feelings
and they dont feel the same way
ask my friends for advice
diamora your beautiful he's missing out
but i wanna be beautiful on my insides
as well as out
and right now im feeling like im neither
though i know there's more to me than meets the eye
i aint found that person who's willing to give me a try

now im not complaining
just repetition gets old
and to love im a beginner
but to heartbreak im a pro
but who ever said you cant be happy and single
has probably had worst luck
and though i go to sleep alone
i havent given up.
-diamora

content.

Blah i had that moment where i didnt feel good enough. Every guy i would be interested in left me feeling like yea your coo too hang out with.. but your ugly.. i dont know.. negative thoughts usually come back to your appearance... well yea i just came to the conclusion some things arent ment to be.. looks dont really have anything to do with it.. if its not there its not there.. life's lessons right

anyway i hate when people say an artist has sold out because they are more popular.. i think all the bandwagon fans who werent listening from the beginning and arent listening for the right reasons are the sell-outs.. again my word isnt law just thats how i feel.

lol xoxo Charm.

The first

I think the first time you experience something changes the way you look at it forever. Remember the first time u burned yourself? yea you prolly hold the iron diff.. or dont play with matches... or dont get to close to the grease when cooking lol you dont want that feeling again..

well imagine being hurt... heartbroken real heartbreak for the first time then after you get over it you try again only to get stepped on by anyone else you thought worthy... there is always someone better than me... like me and one of my bestfriends said today why would he choose me when he could have her?
There is nothing special about me..and im not talking about appearence cuz i'[ve gotten over that i cant change how i look no matter how hard i try... but i can only be me i dont know how to be anyone else... or hide who i am... but it just feels like "me" is never enough.

Single.

yea cant say when i wrote this but i just found it in my old phone and i still feel the same ya know?

i guess the jokes on me
im the one hiding my soul
acting like its all good
that i have no one to hold
keeping my gaurd up
and my head down
holding on tight to the key to my heart
thats never been found
truth is being single i do hate
getting left out of group dates
and having no one to talk to cuz they cant relate
im smiling
even though its fake
and i try to stay positive
in my negative state
i try to believe all men are custom made
and try to push back the thought that they are all the same
but where is the one
who will bring truth to my statement
and kill this lonliness
i act like im okay with
untill then i'll kee up this facade
turn all those bridges into walls
and put all my faith in god

keep on forgetting to forget about you.

Today is one of my good friends bday! happy bday jacob only thing is he passed away two years ago :-/ so now his birthday is just a sad reminder of who he used to be and the role he played in my life. The big brother i never had and will never see again... killing part is when things like this happen u realize all the moments and time you wasted or put off thinking there will always be tomorrow... let me be the first to say there wont always be tomorrow because it is not promised to anyone.

sigh...

my life the past month projects and ehhhh projects :-) you know what i found funny u know how people say well if you hear something more than once maybe its not the people telling you its you... well what happens when u come across the same kind of dude does it mean they arent really lying, indecisive, selfish dudes... that its just me? ahahahaha hmmmm.... nah!!!!

anyway chillen listening to my sidekick (which i store music on) at tierrahs

xoxo charm.