Brand new eyes :-)

so today i went to the beach..with my little sisters everytime i watch the waves i just want to sit and watch them forever its so relaxing...
anyways a little secret of mines
when i need to really get away and think ... i drive to the santa monica pier usually just to think and listen to music and watch the waves and i usually go alone and tell no one... which is kinda bad i should always tell someone just in case u know i dont return home or something... lol well anyway back on topic one day i went and i just sat and listened to paramore's brand new eyes album... i swear the album is the soundtrack to my life i've never had a song tell the story of my life so i sat and watched the waves one day and played that whole album twice by the time it got cold i had it all figured out and all my thoughts together... i walked away looking at the world differently... i guess u can say the album changed my life that day but i think i changed my life that day...the album just helped and sparked everything that was already in my face...

some things people dont know about me
- i have a tight grip on reality meaning
my mind stretches beyond common sense and i was having this convo the other day... i think everyone has common sense by the way.. if a man beats the woman common sense tells the woman that being beaten is wrong.. common sense doesnt tell her she should leave.. becuz common sense is usually based off surface emotions and feelings... i dont know i cant go into detail about this writing lol but i mean if you get what i just said you are a smart individual... anyway back to my tight grip on reality lol i cant be naive about anything.. i wish i could... but at the same time im always happier knowing the truth.. the truth hurts something i learned a while back.. but i'd rather be hurt by the truth.. than be satisified with lies...

- i dont fault anyone who keeps it real
never will i hold a grudge towards someone who kept it 100 with me... u stole my car then confessed the first time confronted i will forgive you.. no animosity towards anyone who keeps it real.. (dont think this is an open invitation to steal my car lol)

- i will never ask a question where i cant deal with the answer
if i ask someone's opinion.. im prepared to hear the good n the bad... if im not up for hearing the negative and or constructive criticism i wont ask the question. if i express my feelings towards someone and then proceed to ask them how they feel about me i've already prepared my self for the possibilty of not getting the response i want... i wont hold animosity for them keeping it real either.. its just me though.. i just hate when people ask me questions and get angry when the answer they want isnt provided.. like thats life better look at the situation as a whole before u go cutting a slice out of it real talk..

anyway lol im rambling ahahahaha so im gonna cut this right here anyway here is one of the best songs of paramore's brand new eyes album its called playing god :-)



I can't make my own decisions
Or make any with precision
Well, maybe you should tie me up
So I don't go where you don't want me

You say that I've been changing
That I'm not just simply aging
Yeah, how could that be logical?
Just keep on cramming ideas down my throat

You don't have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror

If God's the game that you're playing
Well, we must get more acquainted
Because it has to be so lonely
To be the only one who's holy

It's just my humble opinion
But it's one that I believe in
You don't deserve a point of view
If the only thing you see is you

You don't have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror

This is the last second chance
(I'll point you to the mirror)
I'm half as good as it gets
(I'll point you to the mirror)
I'm on both sides of the fence
(I'll point you to the mirror)
Without a hint of regret
I'll hold you to it

I know you don't believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror

I know you won't believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Then break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror

Im Not in LOVE or LUST

i really gotta find that person who doesnt think im weird i mean i think im just ME.. cuz there is no such thing as NORMAL.. Normal is word used to describe people who lack imagination, who are afraid to do something because they are too worried about what other people think so they follow the "accepted" and stay neutral ... seeing how thats the case more times than not i'd much rather be "weird". i can tell you what i hate though.. i hate having a good memory... sigh.. i remember everything... and my brain always automatically connects the pieces... so dont ever tell me two diff stories when lying cuz i will KNOW! i dont always say anything i just keep that tucked away in my CANT TRUST WHAT THESE PEOPLE SAY file in the back of mind. lol (and thats so true) so im up late blogging cuz i cant sleep. which is usually the case most nights... i dont have a sleeping disorder or anything im just a night person..

hmmmm [random]
things i dont believe in
-people changing... sometimes people really do posses the power to learn and grow from their mistakes and you can tell... but most of the time people never change they hide their flaws and realize they need to be sneakier next time so they dont get caught -_-

-Wishing.. i could wish for a million dollars doesn't mean it will appear (point proven) PRAYER is key

-Family though i love my family I've seen family do some things that shouldn't be forgiven because they are blood... they can be forgiven but because they are family isnt a valid reason... if that was the case they wouldn't have done anything so hurtful and or deceitful

-Love at first site... lowkey wondering if love exists im thinking love is just tolerance maybe that will change im only 20

speaking of love lol
when i was younger i used to think i'd be married and have kids
i dont see that happening... i dont think i can be in a relationship... i dont know how to be in one.. the longest one i was in was just seems like it was wasted time... and anytime i felt someone was worthy of starting another one with they didnt feel the same... how people manage to find that one is a puzzle to me... i can never seem to find a mutual situation where u just know the other person feels the same way you do... but like i said im 20 even though at times i feel old because i grew up so fast i know i prolly havent even lived a quarter of my life (yes im going to live to see 100 ahahaha if u did the math) :-)

im done rambling ima continue to listen to jagged edge night night world.

Charm.

Out of the blue

I dont even have to write how i feel ima let her tell u

This is the song i wake up and go to sleep too

Patiently Waiting - E. Cole

in a land void of vision
you found fertile ground
and proceeded to bury your seed
it was then that you started
to open my eyes
to a world full of possibilities
there is life to be found
in driest of bones
even pain can be found behind a smile
there is hope for the hopeless
and strength for the weak
so i know love will find us in time
so im patiently waiting for love
and im hoping that soon
it will find its way into our hearts
but until then
i guess i'll just have to be happy
with where we stand
just being your friend
you and i seem to share
more tha physical intrest
the interior seems to be key
your becoming to be
like teh lady that i've only seen
once or twice in my dreams
you have shown me so much in your silence
you have already made me see life differently
if i painted i'd color
the future we could have
but without love
im just chasing this dream
so im patiently waiting for love
and im hoping that soon
it will find its way into our hearts
but until then
i guess i'll just have to be happy
with where we stand
just being your friend
-e.cole

Letting Go

Letting go is the hardest thing to do... regardless of what your letting go of.. could be your house... your car...a past lover...a loved one passing on... WHY IS IT SO HARD? because no matter how hard you wanna let go of something memories always remain... and no matter how far you pushed them to the back of your mind there will always be something there to remind u.. i swear one of my old elementary schools had this smell to it that i will never forget and i stepped somewhere and all those memories came back to me. well anyway so i found this song.. and im so in love.. and its about letting go... i did the video since no one has ever really heard it.. and yea some words are misspelled but i didnt wanna have to publish it all over again but anyway enjoy! the lyrics are so simple but very powerful by the way his face doesnt match his beautiful voice but its okay
charm :-)

Diamora :-)

I push u away
When I want u to stay
I ignore ur calls
Never give u my all
Cuz I'm afraid to fall
And I'm afraid of pain
So I can't be mad at u for walking away
When I've been running away from the beginning
I'm afraid of being alone
But never let you near me
I'm afraid of opening up
And u won't hear me
I'm afraid of love
But I feel so empty
That's why I've never given u all of me completely
Apart of me is hoping you'll be patient and teach me
But how can I expect that when I won't even let u reach me


For T.P ( a song too)

Expect the best for the future
Forget about what used to be
Sometimes u need to let go of some memories
I have too see there is no more you n me
Regardless of what u want me to think
And all the lies u try to make me believe
Trying to make me hold on
To something that may never be
U come around
As u please
But forgetting how u make me feel
Every time u leave
Leaving me cuz u think you've found the next best thing
Returning cuz what u had was temporary
This is scary
Imagine keeping this up
My only excuse "I'm in love"
That's not enough
Can't have love without trust
And without trust
There is no us
-charm

Temporary

If you ever started talking to someone right after they jumped out a serious relationship. You will feel this poem. When you miss someone it shows even when u try and hide it. Dont rebound anyone and dont be a rebound.

The only piece of me
That has a steady rhythm
now has a change of pace
U won't give me the answer
But its written all over your face
In your hands
Was where I placed my heart
Cuz I thought what I found in you
Was more than a brand new start
Meanwhile Your heart belonged to someone else
Though she appears to be transparent
Her presence is always felt
Why am I fighting
For a spot in your heart
Even invisible
She's at the top
I'm in steady competition
In which She leads
I wanna stay
but this is so unfair to me
Am I filling in
Till she returns?
When she returns from her absence
Will she take
What I've earned?
I want to leave
Before we get to deep
Because she can replace me so easily
-charm

Come Winter

so last year for the first time during winter i guess u could say i had a winter boo. but not even at the end of winter was that little fling over. so i wrote a poem the whole thing is true till it gets to the summer because i never really knew why we stopped talking. those are the worst.

Come Winter
Come fall...
They say winter is the loneliest time of the year
Long sleeves and sweat suits
Aint all you need to make it through
But its all you got
So you make the best of it
And say it doesn't bother you
While your friends and love one's cuddle with the one's they adore
U try and find things to do so u don't get bored
So u don't get bothered by the thought you have no one to hold
Every winter since you can remember has been so lonely and cold

Come winter....
He smiles
And you can't help but smile back
This winter u were prepared to be alone
But he got you side tracked
u try hard not get your hopes up
While u store his contact
3 weeks later
He hits you up
Something you didn't expect
He says he's been thinking of you
But u didn't get excited cuz he said it on a text
He initiates a date
U give him a time and place
You had a good time
Despite him being an hour late
But he starts coming around a little more
And you start feeling something you've never felt before

Come spring...
Everything is just as good as it began
Yall aint in a relationship
But your more than friends
You don't mind taking your time
Cuz only fools rush in
but its getting deeper
The more time yall spend
And suddenly the air aint so cold when it hits ur face
And all those long sleeve jackets have been replaced
Every things all good so u don't mind the wait
As long as this feeling never goes away

Come summer....
People say the winter is cold
But they can't take the summer heat
Everything was good
But now yall haven't spoken in weeks
Until one day
You seen him in his ride
Almost waved
Till you noticed his ex girl on the passenger side
And u came to realize
She's the one who's been taking up your time
you see them kiss
And you can't believe its come to this
Who would have ever thought
Winter would be a season you missed

-Charm :-)