Brand new eyes :-)

so today i went to the beach..with my little sisters everytime i watch the waves i just want to sit and watch them forever its so relaxing...
anyways a little secret of mines
when i need to really get away and think ... i drive to the santa monica pier usually just to think and listen to music and watch the waves and i usually go alone and tell no one... which is kinda bad i should always tell someone just in case u know i dont return home or something... lol well anyway back on topic one day i went and i just sat and listened to paramore's brand new eyes album... i swear the album is the soundtrack to my life i've never had a song tell the story of my life so i sat and watched the waves one day and played that whole album twice by the time it got cold i had it all figured out and all my thoughts together... i walked away looking at the world differently... i guess u can say the album changed my life that day but i think i changed my life that day...the album just helped and sparked everything that was already in my face...

some things people dont know about me
- i have a tight grip on reality meaning
my mind stretches beyond common sense and i was having this convo the other day... i think everyone has common sense by the way.. if a man beats the woman common sense tells the woman that being beaten is wrong.. common sense doesnt tell her she should leave.. becuz common sense is usually based off surface emotions and feelings... i dont know i cant go into detail about this writing lol but i mean if you get what i just said you are a smart individual... anyway back to my tight grip on reality lol i cant be naive about anything.. i wish i could... but at the same time im always happier knowing the truth.. the truth hurts something i learned a while back.. but i'd rather be hurt by the truth.. than be satisified with lies...

- i dont fault anyone who keeps it real
never will i hold a grudge towards someone who kept it 100 with me... u stole my car then confessed the first time confronted i will forgive you.. no animosity towards anyone who keeps it real.. (dont think this is an open invitation to steal my car lol)

- i will never ask a question where i cant deal with the answer
if i ask someone's opinion.. im prepared to hear the good n the bad... if im not up for hearing the negative and or constructive criticism i wont ask the question. if i express my feelings towards someone and then proceed to ask them how they feel about me i've already prepared my self for the possibilty of not getting the response i want... i wont hold animosity for them keeping it real either.. its just me though.. i just hate when people ask me questions and get angry when the answer they want isnt provided.. like thats life better look at the situation as a whole before u go cutting a slice out of it real talk..

anyway lol im rambling ahahahaha so im gonna cut this right here anyway here is one of the best songs of paramore's brand new eyes album its called playing god :-)



I can't make my own decisions
Or make any with precision
Well, maybe you should tie me up
So I don't go where you don't want me

You say that I've been changing
That I'm not just simply aging
Yeah, how could that be logical?
Just keep on cramming ideas down my throat

You don't have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror

If God's the game that you're playing
Well, we must get more acquainted
Because it has to be so lonely
To be the only one who's holy

It's just my humble opinion
But it's one that I believe in
You don't deserve a point of view
If the only thing you see is you

You don't have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror

This is the last second chance
(I'll point you to the mirror)
I'm half as good as it gets
(I'll point you to the mirror)
I'm on both sides of the fence
(I'll point you to the mirror)
Without a hint of regret
I'll hold you to it

I know you don't believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror

I know you won't believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Then break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror

Im Not in LOVE or LUST

i really gotta find that person who doesnt think im weird i mean i think im just ME.. cuz there is no such thing as NORMAL.. Normal is word used to describe people who lack imagination, who are afraid to do something because they are too worried about what other people think so they follow the "accepted" and stay neutral ... seeing how thats the case more times than not i'd much rather be "weird". i can tell you what i hate though.. i hate having a good memory... sigh.. i remember everything... and my brain always automatically connects the pieces... so dont ever tell me two diff stories when lying cuz i will KNOW! i dont always say anything i just keep that tucked away in my CANT TRUST WHAT THESE PEOPLE SAY file in the back of mind. lol (and thats so true) so im up late blogging cuz i cant sleep. which is usually the case most nights... i dont have a sleeping disorder or anything im just a night person..

hmmmm [random]
things i dont believe in
-people changing... sometimes people really do posses the power to learn and grow from their mistakes and you can tell... but most of the time people never change they hide their flaws and realize they need to be sneakier next time so they dont get caught -_-

-Wishing.. i could wish for a million dollars doesn't mean it will appear (point proven) PRAYER is key

-Family though i love my family I've seen family do some things that shouldn't be forgiven because they are blood... they can be forgiven but because they are family isnt a valid reason... if that was the case they wouldn't have done anything so hurtful and or deceitful

-Love at first site... lowkey wondering if love exists im thinking love is just tolerance maybe that will change im only 20

speaking of love lol
when i was younger i used to think i'd be married and have kids
i dont see that happening... i dont think i can be in a relationship... i dont know how to be in one.. the longest one i was in was just seems like it was wasted time... and anytime i felt someone was worthy of starting another one with they didnt feel the same... how people manage to find that one is a puzzle to me... i can never seem to find a mutual situation where u just know the other person feels the same way you do... but like i said im 20 even though at times i feel old because i grew up so fast i know i prolly havent even lived a quarter of my life (yes im going to live to see 100 ahahaha if u did the math) :-)

im done rambling ima continue to listen to jagged edge night night world.

Charm.