realness

not understanding why im still up throwing all this around in my mind.. my feelings get hurt in the most obnoxious ways. the things that should hurt never do. the time i invested in some people/things was a lost cause. i sit here today with nothing but what i should have invested time into in the first place. MYSELF. I... am the only thing myself has. me has seen me through everything.. i need to take better care of me

got my guard up

i built up a wall

and i cant get over it

cant get around it

cant go under it

on the other side

is that perfect moment

but im stuck on my side

just wondering

dont wanna break my wall

only to build it over again

and if im forced to rebuild

it will be 3 times stronger

7 times higher

and 10 feet deeper

which will make it impossible

for anyone to break through

all this to say

is my wall worth breaking down for you?

i wanna believe that its not the same.

i wanna start over i'll tell you my name.. it feels like i've lost more than i've gained feels like i've moving and nothing has changed... these fears might break me as i try my best to hold on...

what went wrong somehow i got all turned around now im lost and praying for daylight

i need some room to breathe so wont you help me please i cant make it on my own dont wanna be out here alone.

i wanna let go and be free to love to put the past behind and move on i just cant be far from home.

overcast.

we all have to cry sometimes...
far too many times have i heard the lines im not ready for a relationship
for that very same person to be in a relationship a few days later
lol smh... and im supposed to continue this discomfort and awkward position till the right one comes along..
and we wonder why people fall into depression etc..
we live in a cold dishonest world.
how much better things would be if everyone learned to be honest and open with good intentions.

old poems

i dont want it to be so predictable

i want everything sparatically

i dont wanna make a educated guess

why is this so hard it isnt anatomy

i want out of the ordinary

not right on schedule

i wanna be pleasently surprised

not exactly what i expected

this gets old

i want something new

if i say give me purple

buy me something blue

i dont want it to be given to me

i dont want to choose

i dont want order i dont want rules

i'd rather be blindfolded

then to see the next step

i want the opposite of what i expect

your prolly reading this

like what the heck

why do you want kaos

why not something stable instead?

because everytime i try it that way

i get mislead

so i wanna be wrong

i dont wanna be right

i want my idea of guys

not to be made out of spite

let me be right about being wrong

or do i wanna be wrong about being right?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

lol at least he tried

ALIEM (10:25:41 PM): Well I aint trynna seem like im some expert
charmsmannequin (12:25:54 PM): lol i know
ALIEM (10:26:01 PM): I forgot what I was bout to say
ALIEM (10:26:06 PM): Lmfaaoooooo
charmsmannequin (10:26:14 PM): -_- ahahahahaahahahahahahahaha!
...ALIEM (10:26:17 PM): @ I know clearly im a wreck
Aliem Jiles ♥ he was gonna give me some advice.. should i take it after he remembers? ahahaha