Ponder.

i woke up holding my pillow didnt know it was a dream.

i got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match what a catch.

my cousin was diagnosed with schizophrenia. smh this bright talented beautiful person i once knew is just not the same. Just not the same.. when i was younger i admired her. she can sing rap write and MODEL.. sigh.. she doesnt want to take her medication. what do you say? your sick you need this for the rest of your life.. i know she feels like nothing is wrong.. i dunno im just typing cuz i dont know what to say.. im scared man... i love her so much i wouldnt wish this on no one. i know how ppl diagnosed act. they are paranoid.. they hear voices and see ppl we dont.. smh then on top of that she is creative and she has an imagination. man. its just something thats hard to handle and i know alot of my family isnt gonna be able to understand..

I can't lie and say I
Always understand why
The rain falls on me
And I have to admit, I feel my faith is gone
It's easy to believe when sorrow never comes your way
And when I try to pray, it seems the words they come out wrong
So everything that matters to me
I give it all to you
Cuz I'm tired of the way the crying feels
And just to let you know I have been hurt so many times
So I pray to God that this time loves for real
So even though I can't see what tomorrow may bring
I believe in you cuz you believe you believe in me
And even when the night makes the light hard to see
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
I can't lie and say I
Always smile but I try
The tears sometimes they come
And nothing people say can ease the pain
but when I close my eyes I see you reaching out for me
You tell me that this test I'm in, it won't last always .

Poems i never completed..

poems not completed..

Look where im at now in my life
but i dont do regrets or look twice
every decision i make is logical
every mistake i make is practical
and all the dudes i date are irrational
i got dreams but i never sleep
im daydreaming bout where i plan to be
but its not dreaming technically
cuz im awake during everything

NEXT


Do i ever come up in discussion
with the people who witnessed you let go of something perfect?
do they ever tell you you made a foolish mistake?
or do you never bring it up cuz its all criticism you cant take
i know you've thought twice about the choices you made
but if we had to do it all over i'd like to do it the same
so i could be available for the person who thinks im all worth it
love me for more than what im showing on the surface
thanks to you i got my guard up though
and you did teach me how to take control
hide my feelings that way im in full control of the situation
and i can monitor my emotions so my love isnt wasted

Part of the list.

mmm im not just unhappy single. but you want someone there you know every once in awhile. i have never hated on what anyone else had because everything aint always peachy cream. realistically i know that if i was too super yern for something someone else had i'd get what i was asking for without really having any idea of what im truly asking for.

most of the time i find myself falling for someone because of their intellect... then their smile and then their sense of style. but im searching for someone with depth i dont know i truly believe i havent found that person yet.. and i honestly dont mind waiting for that person.

anywho i was watching basketball wives and shaunie wanted to know if shaq had slept with glorias sister.. gloria wanted her too talk to her sister about it and not her. they were angry with her whole "blood is blood" demeanor but i mean its true.. they look at her like she should speak up on her sisters behalf but i think gloria was right her sister should speak up on her sisters behalf.

hmmm yesterday i made a small attempt to see someone i've been feeling for awhile.. only for him to make no attempt at all. it just made me realize that im over being confused.. im over wanting for something to happen and the other person to be up and down. im over talking to someone everyday! because they make the effort to hit me up everyday only for them to choose someone over me when i start to show interest. im ready to be the exception.. but all i see is me pushing away people who may come along.. realistically what else am i supposed to do go through this continuous draining... sad... repetition? NOPE!

sad thing is im not a lovesick stalker who hops on anyone who show's interest
i see things for what they are.. deal with it if it hurts and move on
most of the guys im interested in make the attempt it takes alot for me to get up and go along with it..
i live the life of a broken hearted girl lowkey.

love is not for me
could be just right now
but whatever the time frame
today tomorrow next month.. NEXT YEAR still not gonna be for me.

w.o.o.d

its safe to say
it never ment anything
will never mean anything
do you know what i really mean?
i understand when looking backwards
you miss whats in front of you
i dont understand why go back to the old
when you had something new
lead me on? nah i cant say that
but seeing you almost everyday
had me a little attached
detached cuz u decided to give her a second chance
what we could be? you never gave it a second glance
that i dont understand
you gave her the opportunity to hurt you twice
i didnt hurt you once
but im feeling the sting from her bite
this is life
and i swear it aint fair
and no matter how much i've been warned
i will never be prepared.
now a days though
i feel like were strangers
grown apart cuz friendship wasnt enough
no matter what i would always want us to be US
im so stuck
scared of the future
im feeling like a victim
and love is my abuser
afraid of going back
only to be hurt again
still got bruises and cuts
who knew love was violent
and he keeps saying
who know's what the future holds for us
like im supposed to hold on
while he's already given up
he swears we'll meet again then we can try again
but im just praying when that time comes i've found his replacement
who knew knocking on wood would be like throwing my heart against the pavement.
-diamora

haha the dude this poem was too last name was wood.. kinda that subliminal feel ya know :-)
lol anyway these are old feelings im just posting stuff i used to write... i gotta whole new outlook on life... guess you could say i got my mind right

intro...

this is for all the dudes that played me eat you heart out its chaaarrm.

I never thought to retaliate
but this constant repetition im starting to hate
guess kanye was right welcome to heart break
thats what i need a small break
a vacation from pain
and some time off heartache
i guess spending time with me
is the time of your life
till u realize maybe im not your type
leave me feeling like im only good enough to be the chick on the side
ima keep my head up
i refuse to cry
i just think sometimes i feel a little empty
could use some cuddle time and kiss on the forehead
i just wish some of yall would tell me it would lead to nothing before hand
and im hard headed
i refuse to believe
every dude i meet got tricks up his sleeve
i been single three years seen em come and go
and everytime one walks away i lose a little hope.
-diamora

FIREWORKS jan feb.. 2010

i could tell it wasnt love i just thought you'd mess wit me, i kept my wits about me luckily, what happened between us that night it always seems to trouble me, And you making it seem like it happened that way because of me, But I was curious and Ill never forget it, what an experience, You coulda been the one but it wasnt that serious, There was smoke in the air before, that was me clearing it, That felt good, all and all I learned a lesson from it though,You never see it coming you just get to see it go...

i think the person who reads this would know automatically im talking about them crazy.

Worst case scenario

this is a qoute from keke wyatt this song is amazing lol sad she only has ONE good song on the album smh its great actually but one out of what twelve? this is not gonna do.

"i know it aint right for me to be thinking about loving you i cant tell my heart how to be im daydreaming i cant stop thinking about you i close my eyes to be around you."
- keke wyatt

love.

cute love songs. well written also of course im all about lyrics.

never met guy so sweet
someone who knocks me off of my feet
i never thought that it could be until i met you baby
you never met a girl like me i only wanna make u happy
u never knew that you could be free until u met a girl like me
- Brandy Say you will

we were two lil people wrapped up in this big ol world
drifting round in space out of place just a boy n girl
then you took my hand and made me apart of you
and i looked in your heart and saw all my dreams come true
u did the impossible... u rescued my love
i had almost given up...
- mariah carey The impossible.

i think my heart my explode
cuz now i feel the weight of your love on me now
from my head down to my toes
and i cant handle nothing else
staring in the mirror at these clothes
and its funny they mean about as much as yesterday
something is calling me home
i can hear your voice and im not afraid
now im know im just a girl
tryna make my way through this life
now i feel bigger than the world
with your hand in mine.
- esmee denters bigger than the world

matt...

Sometimes i feel as if im kinda heartless or not sensitive enough
i see all these girls posts on my ex boyfriends wall about how much they miss him since he's passed things havent been the same. I JUST SMH.. like u writing on his facebook is not you missing him its for publicity why do people claim people after they have passed? that has always made me mad. yes some people have a reason to miss him some people were really close to him... maybe prolly only 2% i wouldnt dare keep writing about how much i miss him because when he was in the hospital i visted ONCE talked on the phone and kept in touch that was it.. but in all honesty i wasnt there like i could have been and im not gonna sit and act like i was... and im not gonna sit back and act like he was the love of my life.. he was my first sexual experience and to be honest that wasnt great.. he did make me see that men are selfish they only want one thing and no matter what they will leave you feeling like your not good enough. i havent been a relationship since him. and thats if you wanna count what we had has a relationship. he taught me that u cant trust ppl saying trust me. on another note he was a good friend when he wanted to be. and when we were together we shared things together that i prolly dont see myself sharing with someone else for a long time. do i still have a grudge... nah everyone is a learning experience. i do feel sad that he 's gone though he was young.. but in reality we all have to go one day.. he was a reminder that life can be taken away in the blink of an eye. thats that though ya know...

xoxo charm.