Best you never had.

i was so in love with you
there was nothing i could do
wouldn't give me the time of day

because i told you you'd live to regret it
and no i dont wanna make you feel bad
but when it comes to me you just wont get it
i'll be the best you never had
you put me through so many emotions
baby its your time for that.

you saw me as a friend
baby i dont want revenge
but if you must know the truth
what you didnt see in me
is what you will never be.

just making a prediction.

She looks so good in that white dress
at the far end of the aisle
standing where i should be standing
some other man on his face theirs a smile
i just walked in sat down silent
i stood outside for awhile
wondering why did i come here
face it you messed up and now she's with somebody else
and now all i can do is smile and fade into the background
such a lovely reception
i sit here sipping rose
then we catch eyes for a second
both of us smile then quickly look away
its funny you dont know what you got
till u dont got it no more
put down my glass grabbed the bottle
i throw it back and i shout she's with somebody else

sure hate to fade into the background.
- ne-yo

players only love you when their playing games

I've never had trust issues
if i don't trust you then i wont be with you.
I've never been an idiot.
but if we aren't in a committed relationship why would i question what you do when your not with me?
eeeeeh it might cross my mind. but i usually already know so asking really isnt neccassary.
Guys give it away though lol so i dont understand why women try and act blind to it.
If i make the decision to talk to you..hang with you.. kiss you.. do whatever with you WHEN ITS YOU AND ME.. and i know that with me you arent tryna take it to the next level. Then thats on me.. cant be mad when you find that one and cut me off..

BUT. when i decide to do those things and accept that we arent committed but am truly unaware that you are talking to someone else. smh thats something else. so be honest and let me know like "diamora you know im young im single there are other girls that i do the same things im doin with you.. but i do it with them when im not with you" will i accept this? No lol but keepin it real gets you brownie points.. and though im not alotta other females are..stop bein chickens and keep it 100

on a side note these past few weeks have had me thinking like.. its not worth it RIGHT NOW.
its not worth investing my feelings to be disappointed anymore. I been single and dating for THREE years.. there have been a few i thought he could be it.. there have been some NO!'s lol and there is always that one you cant shake.. but he shook you so you deal with it. Im so tired of being homegirl material to people i see as more than that. Like what in the world am i missing? then people say diamora dont go loooking! lol man on my mama i aint found no one i ended up being into. they FOUND me and im not even exadggerating.. one text me two weeks later and put in the time to come see me from victorville .. the other got my aim and decided to become close and hang wit me everyday.. and last but not least the one from my past found me on facebook "oh i still ball by the rec by your moms come through sometimes" random match but coulda been perfect.. yea i hate goin to sleep alone but i aint never settled for less than i want. and to top it off I DONT GO LOOKING..

freaking confusing.. so i kinda deleted every guy out my phone n just stopped talking to any new interests..unless it was business of course.. i feel like one of those "eff love" ppl but its more like im just protecting me.. it could just happen lol but judging by the past it could and it couldnt. ima be blind to any feelings that go beyond business or friendship.. some times it will be denial and hard but it will be worth it in the long run i feel it.


Lauryn hill till i passsss out.

Overcast

i guess that you will always be
the part of me that i look back upon
with saddened eyes and wonder why it ever had to be
i guess that you have always known
the love i had for you was strong
but like a potted plant
im just a woman who needed room to grow

now i find myself alone again
guess i'll be alright i just don't know when
i spend all my days in the back of my mind
someone tell me why my sun wont shine

you say goodbye and then proceed to give me all the reasons why
you couldn't realize the dreams i had for you and me
its been awhile since you've been gone
i guess apart of me still holding on
to yesterdays
and crazy things
like the way we used to be...

cuz i've picked up all the pieces
you left behind
and i understood the reasons
i still wonder why
and this overcast is crazy
i cant see the light
i've been longing for the warm rays of the sunshine
cuz see i used to want you
and i used to hold you
and i used to want to be everything that you were..
TO ME.


this is a song by levi stephens called overcast.. sometimes tears really come to my eyes after hearing this.. cuz one person comes to mind.. a good friend of mines.. if it were up to me we'd be more than that..we were more than that for a lil while.. you know how that goes.. i stopped talking to him. i couldnt stand just being friends.. i know that if i were to find out he was with someone else i wouldnt even be angry.. I'd feel much better knowing he's happy even if its not with me.

I keep hearing how my time will come. but im over all that.. i get made a fool out of when i stop to believe HE COULD CHANGE ME. yea the last person i thought that about.. placed me in that friends with benefits mode. which i didnt mind cuz i knew in the back of my mind who i REALLY wanted... he found someone who he figured matched better with though.. which i aint mind just wish i coulda got the heads up on the change.. Truth is im happy for him too. Everything happens for a reason i've learned to take that statement and not stress myself trying to find out what those reasons are.

My clothing line is coming together so nicely
i have to sit back and give myself a pat on the back
im so excited that i found something that i can incorporate all my talents into.

Im so thankful for my friends i've had them all forever and one of them is moving on to do bigger and greater things in his life.. i hope one day he will return but im so proud he's taking a big leap forward to better himself. Sydney you will be missed and you know this. cant wait to come visit :-)

only place i can say how i truly feel...

you found me here
here in this place
and with everything that's happened
I've lost my way
and though i tried to change
it is what it is
i'm so afraid of starting over
i dont know where im to begin
see we all fall and every so often
we find ourselves caught in a moment
but were not lost
were just where we belong.

the days go by
and turn into weeks
but with every one that passes
i find no peace
so i let go
and try to put my fears to rest
see the initial hurt is over
now the healing must begin...

and god only know's where we go from here
im afraid still i know this... is where i belong


i found myself inside these tears
now i know my strength
inspite of the fear
and the doubt
its like im lost and im found
its beyond my control and i know
this is where i belong.


even though i have such positive things goin on in my life. There is always the negative. alot of things i cant FIX. i just decided instead of focusing on my feelings.. and fears.. and what i dont have.. i need to realize im right where im supposed to be. There is a lesson to be taught here even if i dont see the results until later. But im where i belong happy.. sad..angry.. heartbroken. This is where im supposed to be. IM RIGHT WHERE I BELONG.

no title

see personally im not searching for perfection
when you expect to much
nothing is what your left with
and im not the perfect person
so how can i expect you to be
but i want you to be able to look in the mirror
and see what i see
like wise i want to be able to do the same
but i know if i were too look at me through your eyes
i'd be in pain
cuz what you see is friendship
a good friend and nothing more
got me wishing i could buy love
but then it would still probably be something i cant afford

i trust my heart on so many levels
but i feel like it always leads me astray
i always find myself trying to keep
someone who doesnt want to stay
or i express my feelings
and they dont feel the same way
ask my friends for advice
diamora your beautiful he's missing out
but i wanna be beautiful on my insides
as well as out
and right now im feeling like im neither
though i know there's more to me than meets the eye
i aint found that person who's willing to give me a try

now im not complaining
just repetition gets old
and to love im a beginner
but to heartbreak im a pro
but who ever said you cant be happy and single
has probably had worst luck
and though i go to sleep alone
i havent given up.
-diamora

content.

Blah i had that moment where i didnt feel good enough. Every guy i would be interested in left me feeling like yea your coo too hang out with.. but your ugly.. i dont know.. negative thoughts usually come back to your appearance... well yea i just came to the conclusion some things arent ment to be.. looks dont really have anything to do with it.. if its not there its not there.. life's lessons right

anyway i hate when people say an artist has sold out because they are more popular.. i think all the bandwagon fans who werent listening from the beginning and arent listening for the right reasons are the sell-outs.. again my word isnt law just thats how i feel.

lol xoxo Charm.

The first

I think the first time you experience something changes the way you look at it forever. Remember the first time u burned yourself? yea you prolly hold the iron diff.. or dont play with matches... or dont get to close to the grease when cooking lol you dont want that feeling again..

well imagine being hurt... heartbroken real heartbreak for the first time then after you get over it you try again only to get stepped on by anyone else you thought worthy... there is always someone better than me... like me and one of my bestfriends said today why would he choose me when he could have her?
There is nothing special about me..and im not talking about appearence cuz i'[ve gotten over that i cant change how i look no matter how hard i try... but i can only be me i dont know how to be anyone else... or hide who i am... but it just feels like "me" is never enough.

Single.

yea cant say when i wrote this but i just found it in my old phone and i still feel the same ya know?

i guess the jokes on me
im the one hiding my soul
acting like its all good
that i have no one to hold
keeping my gaurd up
and my head down
holding on tight to the key to my heart
thats never been found
truth is being single i do hate
getting left out of group dates
and having no one to talk to cuz they cant relate
im smiling
even though its fake
and i try to stay positive
in my negative state
i try to believe all men are custom made
and try to push back the thought that they are all the same
but where is the one
who will bring truth to my statement
and kill this lonliness
i act like im okay with
untill then i'll kee up this facade
turn all those bridges into walls
and put all my faith in god

keep on forgetting to forget about you.

Today is one of my good friends bday! happy bday jacob only thing is he passed away two years ago :-/ so now his birthday is just a sad reminder of who he used to be and the role he played in my life. The big brother i never had and will never see again... killing part is when things like this happen u realize all the moments and time you wasted or put off thinking there will always be tomorrow... let me be the first to say there wont always be tomorrow because it is not promised to anyone.

sigh...

my life the past month projects and ehhhh projects :-) you know what i found funny u know how people say well if you hear something more than once maybe its not the people telling you its you... well what happens when u come across the same kind of dude does it mean they arent really lying, indecisive, selfish dudes... that its just me? ahahahaha hmmmm.... nah!!!!

anyway chillen listening to my sidekick (which i store music on) at tierrahs

xoxo charm.